Life these days has been hectic. All good types of hectic. Working full-time again is a great. Theater activity is high, which is wonderful for my creative side. Activism has been put on the back burner a bit – well maybe more of a side burner. Blogging about life and such has been going swimmingly. We have a grandchild on the way, which is the best blessing of all. I can honestly say that I am feeling happy lately.
Feeling happy…not something I have felt much over the past year or so. Sure, I’ve had moments of happiness. But to feel happy more often than not is somewhat foreign to me. I have been diagnosed with depression in the not so distant past, along with anxiety. Both are still lurking, but happiness is what I am focusing on.
Happiness is a choice. People will argue that point, but from what I have seen and experienced in life, my statement is true. When we wake up in the morning we have a choice – we can look forward to the day ahead or be miserable that it exists.
During our bout of homelessness, it was certainly a challenge to feel happy about much of anything. Certainly I smiled and laughed a number of times during that period, but I didn’t feel it. I lived the old adage of fake it until you make it.
Putting on a facade of happiness when you feel anything but is draining physically and emotionally. I would be exhausted after putting on the mask of happiness for any extended length of time. I would bet that a lot of people would say the same.
People find it interesting to hear me say that I am an introvert. Introverts can be social, we just have to ensure we have time where we aren’t interacting with anyone too. So how can I say having a hectic life is good? Because I have my down time also.
Like tonight, I have things to work do for the theater, but it’s on my computer in my home. Finalizing a show’s program, preparing an agenda and other items for tomorrow night’s board/member meeting all can be done by myself at my computer. My alone time.
I have always enjoyed my own company. Give me a night or weekend by myself and I am a happy woman. I will read, write, play games on my computer, watch a little TV and probably bake something.I may not talk to another person the entire time and I am perfectly okay with that.
The only time that can be an issue is when my depression is in full swing. Then I overthink everything. It can also set off an anxiety attack. So I have to use my coping skills, and sometimes medication, to keep me from getting derailed.
Yet even when my depression is trying to take over, I try to find some bits of happiness. I will appreciate the weather, interacting with my dogs, reading a good book, enjoying a nice meal – well you get the idea. It’s the little things in life, as much if not more than the bigger things that can keep happiness your focus.